Wisconsin

So, I am in Wisconsin right now and am loving it! This is definitely a crazy summer and I am challenged in ways I never have been, but then I am just seeing God in new ways because of that.
There are two etremes in my life right now that both pull me toward Christ, but in different ways.
The director of camp has started a Bible study on Friday mornings, and I have been going so far. The first week he challenged us to read all the way through John before the next Friday, and to help he asked us to find someone we could be accountable to for this. One of the girls up here (Jodi) asked me if I would like to be her accountability partner. I was so excited because I have always wanted to get to know her better! It has been incredible building a relationship with her and just talking about the book of John. Every week I have been encouraged by her and just her excitment for this study.
Along with the Bible study I am reading a book called "More than Forgiveness", which you all should read, and am learning so much about God's love for me and holiness. I am also reading the trilogy by Ted Dekker "Black," "Red," and "White." In the last book "White" there is a scene that portrays Jesus love for his bride and the anguish he feels when he is trying to woo her and she is not responding. This, along with reading John, just brought me to tears and really made me ask myself, "Do I truly love Christ?" I don't think I had ever seen Christ's love like I have in all of the books I'm reading and it's an amazing experience.
Along with learning and growing with all of this I am having an interesting time at work. I think I am growing through the people I work with. Although I would say it's not quite as enjoyable as the Bible study and the books. This is definitely the opposite extreme in my life right now. I am working with a guy who absolutely does not like me at all. I think he is annoyed with everything I do and say. Basically I am his boss, he is 30 and I am 19, you do the math. Not to mention the fact that I am a girl, and honestly he just doesn't want to be told what to do. I have had him yell at me about letting someone else off 5 minutes earlier than him, he has an attitude about everything I ask him to do, and he won't listen to me about anything. Through all of this, though, I love work. I do find myself praying, doing breathing exercises, and walking away from battles more than before, but I love work. I can confidently say that I have never been mad more times in a small amount of time than these past few weeks, but God is changing me through those experiences. He is showing me his love for this guy I am working with. He is opening my heart to not be bitter about the encounters we have. God has to be changing me because there is no way I would react to this situation the way I am unless he was working through me. I am just amazed right now with his love and direction in my life.
Along with the amazing God I am getting to know better, I am in Wisconsin and who can complain about that!?

Lyrics

These are just some powerful lyrics to some of my favorite songs...

King & A Kingdom

who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kid
she may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think
-derek webb

A New Law

don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for
don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music
don’t teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law

i don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice
don’t teach me about loving my enemies
don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

i don't wanna know if the answers aren't easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
-derek webb

Live

So, lately I have just been thinking about what it means to live. I mean what does it mean to actually LIVE. Jesus said he came to give us life, but how does that play out? Well, to be completely honest I have no idea, but recently I have, I think, been experiencing life in a glimpse. Last week I was walking and talking to a friend and I just loved that time. I had no other place I wanted to be and was not thinking about anything else but the conversation we were having. This is very rare in my life because I just love what's coming next, and many times am forced to think about what is coming next in order to accomplish things on time. Anyway, as we were walking I just realized that I wanted to be where I was. I can't explain it, but that's the way I felt. So, with all this rambling I think one aspect of living is actually living in the moments I am in.

Ok, so I don't know if this is going to make sense at all, but I am going to attempt to put into words some other things I have been discovering. Well, just as a disclaimer, I would like to say that I don't think we know how much power in our lives we give satan, and I also I don't think we know how much power can be found in Christ. Anyway, I have been discovering that God has created me to be wholistic. Somehow, as a church, we have turned to preaching by topic and trying to perfect ourselves one area at a time. Just as a side note, in case you didn't know this, none of us are going to be perfect. So, instead of just trying to be perfect, God has been showing me to let Him into every part of my life. I'm not very good at doing this yet, but I'm trying. I don't really know how to explain it further, but I hope it makes sense.

Also, I would just like to share the lyrics to a song I am currently in love with!

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

Can you hear me?

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling toIt presses harsh hope against time...

Rambling

Since I'm on Spring Break and have a few extra hours, I thought I would finally update this and make a promise to myself to not wait a year for the next post. Shawna you should be very proud of me. In light of the fact that it's been over a year, I will just try to summerize the past few months and maybe have a real post next time...

Obviously, I am in my sophmore year of college. This, I'm pretty sure, is the year that all the professors want to weed people out of the nursing program. I am constantly asking myself why I am in this major, and then I remember it's because God said so and I continue on.

Overall this has been a pretty hard year academically, emotionally, and spiritually. I think Satan decided hitting me full force was a good idea, and to be completely honest it was, on his part, a good idea. Between homework, leadership meetings, clinicals, classes, and just being available to people, I am worn out. God is teaching me about perserverance, and it's coming at a high cost...my sanity! Just kidding, it's not that bad, but there have been a few days I've prayed "Is loving people and trying to be a good nurse supposed to make me go crazy?"

Having this break has been heaven for me. Until today, five days into my spring break, I have done nothing for school, and it's been amazing! The bad part is that I am now thinking about how much I have to do and I only have three days left. Oh well...

Onto the fun things of my break.

This past weekend I went to Chicago with a friend from school (Sarah) and hung out with an old friend (Tracy) who lives in Chicago. Sarah and I got to go to a Derek Webb concert, which was so amazing! Although he has been around for a while, I never thought I would like his music, until I actually listened to the lyrics. Now that I have, all I have to say is, it's too bad he's already married. Sad days.

The other highlight of my break is that I got to see my childhood best friend, Liz, and her amazingly adorable baby! Christopher is quite possibly the cutest little boy I have ever seen. Here are some pictures of him right after he was born.

Isn't he just precious? He has grown so much in the past month. He's gained three pounds and is eating like there's no tomorrow. Needless to saym, he is a joy in my life.

Well, the books and laundry are calling my name, so until next time...

weeks like these

I don't even know what to say in this post...I haven't written on here in a long time and I want to let people know what's going on. I have been so busy, but I have no idea at what! The big news this week is that I didn't fail my anatomy and physiology test on Monday. It wasn't really a good test, but I didn't fail! Yay! My chemistry homework only took 3 hours! That's exciting! I turned on all my assignments on time! Oh the things that satisfy when you are in college!

Seriously this week has been pretty cool. For one, when I get into these weeks when I feel like all I do is read and prepare and write and study God just reminds me of His promise to see me through. You know some visions in my mind of walking across the platform at graduation help a little too. I also recently finished reading Mere Christianity, and you should do the same as soon as possible. Yes it is a little confusing at times, but man the things that stood out to me in that book were amazing. I find it unbelievable how C.S. Lewis can describe God. The words he used made God seem so incredibly ALIVE, and it reminded me of how I had stopped viewing God as a living being but more of an idea. It's hard to see yourself doing that until someone actually describes God as something that is living, not merely saying God is living, but describing him as living, breathing, pulsating with life being. It's incredible!

So yea...that's all I got...read Mere Christianity...

Scary Stuff

Two days until the end of the semester and I can't wait for the end. I am so ready for a break. Finals still aren't stressing me out, though. I just want to be home for a while. This semester has been so crazy, but it's been a good crazy. I have learned so many things about Chemistry and so many things about God. I learned that I absolutely hate Chemistry and that I absolutely love God! I am learning how to totally trust him, again. I know I went through this at the beginning of the semester but it is coming up again. I recently got a letter in the mail recommending me to be an RA. I was thrilled! I got really excited...until I actually thought about all the responsibility that came with that position. I had felt kind of like that was where God was leading me, but I had so many doubts about whether I would be good enough at being an RA or if I would be able to be an RA and still do well in my classes. I decided to talk to my RD, even though I felt like I had made my decision not to apply, and she reassured me that if God wanted me on a floor he wanted me and no one else. I was really encouraged after talking to Angie and then I started thinking about it again and got really scared. I didn't really know why. I wasn't sure about whether I would be able to connect with my girls, or if I would have enough time for them. I was scared I would let them down. I started thinking about the reasons I was doubting what to do and realized that I was just scared. We were at a worship service for just Evans Hall and there were about 15 girls. We broke up into groups of 4 and we were sharing prayer requests. While we were worshipping, God just whispered to me that he would never scare me out of doing something, and the devil was using that to pull me away from his perfect plan. I was really overcome with relief and I started to tell the girls in my group about this. One of the girls, our hall Chaplain, asked me if she could tell me something. She told me that when I walked into the room that night she knew that I was going to be an RA. I have never met this women in my life! That was so amazing and so reassuring. God has such an awesome way of giving me peace about things he wants me to do. Needless to say, I picked up an application last week and started filling it out. Although that was really scary, I knew that God was behind it, so it was ok...

Finals

So, finals are approaching and surprisingly I am not stressed at all. Of course that's only because they are still a week and a half away. I know the weekend before finals I will have bitter sweet feelings about them. Although I know I will be stressed about them, the reward of not having to study, go to class or write any papers for a month will be all worth it. I can't wait! This is really short because I have nothing else important to do so I'm not trying to procrastinate...so, that's all I got!

Ready

The end of the semester is coming faster than I ever thought it would! I'm ok with that, though. I am ready for a break with no homework to take home with me. I'm ready to do something completely worthless of my time and not worry about it. I'm ready to sleep in! Anyway, I was just thinking about how different my perception of college is now compared to when I first came. I was telling someone today that when I first walked in my dorm it seemed to foreign and now every time I walk in it is so familiar. I was thinking about how when I came here I felt like my relationship with God was kind of on that alien level. I wasn't sure how to change that, but since I have been here I have grown so much. God is just showing me how he just wants to have a real relationship with me and not just make me do all these things so he'll be my friend. Even though I don't get a revelation every day and we don't have chapels like summit week, I am still hearing God's voice. He is showing himself to me through the people that I love here and the situations that challenge me. I mess up a lot and have to ask for forgiveness, but he's there to offer it and that's what he wants me to know. So, even though I'm tired of going to classes and taking tests and having projects due, I'm so thankful to God for the semester that he has given me. He has drawn me closer to him and shown me his truths